Dirty Tears
by Erup live
Summary: Lily's hiding a heart-wrenching secret from the world. She's depressed, and scared and needs someone to help her out of the darkness. Could James be the one? A joint fic by Holly(Rosethorn83)and Emma (Potter25) READ AND REVIEW!
1. Prologue: Dirty Tears

This is our very first joint fic!! Some of you may know us as Rosethorn83 a.k.a. Holly and Potter25 a.k.a. Emma. So be kind and Review! We want to know what you think especially if it's good!  
  
We would like to say first that we own nothing, so don't sue us because you'd be wasting your time since we have no money!  
  
READ AND REVIEW!!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~PROLOUGE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Lily's eyes flew open. She was breathing hard, gasping for breath. His voice was taunting her, teasing her, even in her sleep she couldn't escape him.  
  
She reached a hand to her sweating face, and pushed an errant curl out of her eyes that were blurred by tears that threatened to spill over.  
  
She sat up shakily, and rubbed her now blood shot eyes.  
  
Outside it was raining ferociously. Large fat raindrops pounded loudly into the roof, and windows, leaving water patterns lying across her carpeted floor. Her room was dark, the only light coming from the dim light given off by the moon. It was also silent, eerily quite, even considering the howling wind, rain, and occasional cracks of thunder. It frightened her, more than anything else did. She knew how HE worked.  
  
A flash of brilliant blue lightening lit up her room followed by a loud crack of thunder. Lily jumped slightly, and glanced nervously to the doorway.  
  
The rain began to pick up intensity, as the doorknob began to jiggle. Her eyes widened in terror, and her heart rate sped up to unimaginable levels. She felt herself back up, the cold wall met with her back; she soon found that she couldn't back up anymore.  
  
The door slowly crept open finally. It creaked, and moaned, as the person on the other side, pushed the door open quietly.  
  
Lily shut her eyes tightly; a tear fell over her eyelashes, and cascaded down her cheeks. 'Why can't he just leave her alone?'  
  
The door was finally open, and a tall silhouette of a man stood rigidly in the doorway.  
  
"Why Lillian? What are you doing still awake?" he asked a smirk evident in his oily voice, "waiting for me?"  
  
Lily remained silent, cowering against the wall.  
  
"I was just coming to wake you up," he stepped into the dark room, shutting the door silently behind him. "I was just coming to get what you'd promised."  
  
"I didn't promise you anything," she said weakly, not looking up at him.  
  
The rain out side was merciless. Not an advantage.  
  
He smirked, "oh I think you did. Not in so many words but. I know you want me, who wouldn't."  
  
"I don't want you," she contradicted, and immediately grimaced at what she'd said.  
  
"What? What did you say?" he growled, stepping closer.  
  
"I was merely saying that you have a girlfriend, and I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone."  
  
He stepped above her, and glared down at her. He roughly grabbed her wrist, and twisted it around.  
  
She gasped in pain, closing her eyes; tears were falling over her closed lids and sliding down her pale cheeks. She tried to forget where she was, and what she was doing there.  
  
He pushed his face close to hers, and roughly stood her up, not letting go of her surely broken wrist.  
  
"I won't leave you alone, you filthy little slut," he growled, "You think you're better then me? Let me give you a chance to prove you wrong."  
  
"Vernon! Let me go! Please!" her voice was shrill and full of pain. Lightening flashed in the room again, as Vernon threw her wrist back in her face, and pushed her roughly to the floor, where her head connected with the wooden paneling. She lay there sprawled out on the floor, her thin cotton nightgown pooled around her hips. She choked a sob as she tried to lift herself off of her injured wrist.  
  
"I'm not one for not getting what I want, and since you're being difficult, I'll just take it shall I?"  
  
Lily looked up in confusion, and immediately wished she hadn't. Vernon had taken off the belt he was wearing around his waist, and in a hurried effort, when she was caught off guard he wrapped it around Lily's mouth, effectively shutting her up.  
  
She struggled, biting into the hard leather, but it was too hard, and he had tied it too tight. Tears coursed down her cheeks, as she tried not to bite her tongue off in fright. She tried frantically to scramble to her feet, but Vernon's large build smacked her back down to the ground.  
  
He knelt down besides her, and grasped a handful of her vibrant red hair in his hands, and yanking it up, he brought his head close to hers.  
  
"If you ever." he slammed her head roughly into the ground, "mention this to anyone," he slammed again, "I will kill you, and who ever you tell." And with one final blow to her head she was out cold.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lily woke up, the next morning, sore beyond any comprehension. Her head was pounding, and there was sharp ache between her legs. She lifted her head, and found her cheek smashed rather inharmoniously on the hard wood floor of her room. Her thin cotton nightgown was bunched up around her waist, and she immediately felt her eyes prick with unshed tears.  
  
'What had he done to her!' her mind shrieked. She couldn't remember much, she remembered him coming into the room, the storm, the verbal exchange. And..Oh My God! She remembered now! Him beating her head into the ground, him telling her not to tell anyone, or he'll kill her, him...raping..her. She involuntarily shivered, and sat up shakily. Tears fell unchecked down her cheeks. 'Noooooo.'  
  
"Lily!" a voice shouted from downstairs, "breakfast!"  
  
Her tears continued to fall, as she shakily stood up. She wobbled precariously toward her bathroom door. Not caring that she'd forgotten to take her bathrobe with her.  
  
She closed herself in the bathroom, and locked the door tightly. She leaned back against the hard wood door, and took a deep shaky breath.  
  
'She was so dirty, so dirty. She felt as if she'd never be clean again.'  
  
She walked lifelessly to the shower, and turned on the head, letting the hot steamed water flow over her hand. She only realized at the last minute that it was indeed burning it, as her hand was now raw and bright red. She stared at it, steam clouded around her, making her hair frizz around her face.  
  
She shakily pulled the white cotton nightgown over her head, and noticed the dark blue bruises on her wrist, and on her inner thighs. Her tears never let up, as she stepped into the steaming water. The burning hot liquid coursed over her now burning flesh, as she crumpled into an emotional heap on the tiled floor of the shower. She placed her head in her hands and wept. She wept for everything, her lost innocence, her lost freedom, and her fear of Vernon, Petunia, and just in general being abused.  
  
The water continued to burn her flesh, but she continued to not notice, or to not care.  
  
There was a soft knocking on the door to the bathroom.  
  
"Lily darling? Are you coming down for breakfast?" her mother's voice inquired.  
  
Lily's head snapped up. She sniffled silently, and wiped her eyes, which was really hopeless considering where she was.  
  
"No, Mum, you go on and eat without me."  
  
"Are you sure dear? Petunia and Vernon are down there, don't you want to say good morning?" Mrs. Evans asked sweetly.  
  
Lily felt her stomach produce butterflies, and she was sure she was going to throw up, or at least dry heave.  
  
"No, Mum, just go," she managed to croak out, "I'm fine here."  
  
"Well if you're sure dear?"  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
And that was how Lily Evans spent her horrific summer, hiding away from Vernon Dursley, in her bathroom. She even slept in there, with the door locked.  
  
That night, the dreaded night, just kept replaying in her mind, like a broken radio, and she just wasn't ready to see anyone quite yet, including her family. Maybe one day, one day soon, things would change for Lily Evans, maybe. 


	2. The Rainy Voyage

**Disclaimer:** We don't own anything Harry Potter.  Damn it.  But.  We know exactly what we'd do with if we did *rub hands together and grin evilly*

A/N: How are you liking the story?  Let us know!  R&R!

**A Rainy Voyage**

            The Hogwarts Express let out a long, shrill blast of steam, whistling through the air as it sped northward, heading for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

            Lily Evans sat alone in a compartment near the end of the train, immersed in A Standard Book of Spells Grade Seven.  Lily reluctantly stood and stretched, gazing out the window into the dark, rainy sky.  A furry, black cat with great blue eyes stared up at Lily as it wound itself around her legs.

            A loud meow resounded from a basket near Lily's feet.  She hastily bent over and unlatched the hook, letting a glossy black cat with bright blue eyes out into the compartment.  Godric purred softly, holding his up his midnight head, bravely, regally even.  He had certainly lived up to his name, wandering throughout the castle, including the Forbidden Forest, chasing a werewolf, no less.  Strange indeed for a cat, but Godric was no ordinary feline.  Just like his quiet master there was some spark igniting a roaring fire within.

            Lily stopped reading for several minutes while she lazily stroked Godric's onyx head with her one unbruised wrist, keeping the other tucked safely away in the folds of her black school robes.  Being Head Girl certainly had its perks.  A compartment to one's self was an undeniably a rare occurrence.  Thank the stars she was able to be alone.  A solitary place was often Lily's only solace.  A place for her own time had been necessary ever since she had enrolled in Hogwarts.  She enjoyed being by herself, being able to think about the life she'd always deserved of, but could never have.

            Lily tucked a bright strand of auburn fire behind her ear as she stared out the window, watching the rain droplets erode tiny tracks down the glass.  Her shockingly green eyes widened as a sharp wrap on the door broke her lovely silence.

She slightly jumped as the four most unlikely people to be entering her compartment did just that.  "Well, I guess I can think about my perfect life another time."  Lily bit her lip as she mumbled under her breath.

            "Hi Lily!  Can we sit with you?"  A surly boy with light-brown hair, sprinkled with blonde entered the room.  Odd, it was Remus Lupin.  Lily gazed blankly at the three, tall-structured boys standing behind him.  How did they know her name?  Lily was baffled.

            "I guess—I guess it's fine."  Lily shifted uneasily curling herself into the side of the train.  They were no strangers.  James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew moved into the room, following Remus.  Lily wondered why they just now showed up.  She decided it was best not to ask.  She really didn't want to know what they had been up to.

             Lily watched Remus sit down.  His sandy hair shone surprisingly brightly in the dim light of the train.  His eyes were a light sea green, and he had a kindly face.  One at first glance would say an intelligent face, until you realized the group he was so blessed to hang around with. Lily snorted inwardly at her sardonic humor.  His lips curved upward into a delighted smile.

Sirius sat down beside him, overshadowing Lupin's mere 6'1 frame.  He stood at about 6'2.  He had a head of neat dark brown hair, and mysterious cat eyes that made all the girls swoon, even Lily, when she was younger, was attracted to Sirius Black's cat eyes.  Next to him stood James.  Undoubtedly the tallest of the bunch, James stood at about 6'3 close to 6'4.  He had irresistible baby blue eyes, which were wrongly hidden behind thin silver wire rimmed glasses, and a head of pitch-black, unruly hair.  Finally there was Peter standing just behind James.  He stood at about 5'9, and he had short blonde hair, that made his light brown eyes stand out on his pale pointed face.

            "So!  Lily," Sirius looked interestedly at her.  "What did you do this summer?"  

Lily felt her skin begin to burn as he plopped himself down on the sear next to her, and looked at her eagerly, waiting for an answer.  What was she supposed to tell them?  The truth?  Oh sure!  'I spent the entire summer locked in my room, listening to my sister verbally bash me, and her boyfriend sexually abuse me.'  Yeah.  That would work wonderfully!  Right.  Lily took a deep breath and a silky lie spilled from her mouth.

            "I hung out with my sister and some of her muggle friends, did the assigned work, caught up on reading, and…that's pretty much it."  There, that was plenty convincing, right?

            James looked curiously at Lily.  He didn't know why he had never noticed her before.  Sure he knew her.  She was Head Girl and a genius in charms, but why hadn't he seen her in corridors, or even at meals?  Surely he couldn't have missed her fiery, copper-russet hair, certainly not those striking emerald eyes, or that unforgettable angelic face, ye—what?  James shook his head, dismissing his thoughts as a passing fluke.

            Remus looked at James, shaking his head.  Poor Prongsy…he didn't know what he was getting into.  "Soooo…" before Remus could finish his sentence Lily had again buried herself back into the spell book.  Making conversation was no good.  Why did he even try? 

            "Well, Marauders!  What ever shall our first grand prank of year number seven be?"  James turned excitedly to his friends, seeing Peter look up enthusiastically. 

            Lily sighed quietly, glancing up from the book, looking wistfully at the boys around her.  She couldn't help but eavesdrop on them, and hearing their joyful voices broke her heart.  Having friends must have been a wonderful experience, she couldn't remember.  Lily didn't actually recall what it was like to have an actual person to confide in.  Godric was usually a great listener, but he couldn't talk back.  He couldn't hold her until the pain was gone.  He couldn't advise her, or make her laugh when she was sad, except for the few times his clumsiness made itself apparent.  

Lily scooted closer to the edge of the seat, wedging herself closer to the wall.  She brought up her.  She soon lost her battle however.  One traitor tear feel from her eye she cried calmly and silently.  Almost as if it was regularity to her.  She was no stranger to grief, tears, or sadness.  Lily had endured countless nights of silent torture, only to wake the next day, acting as if nothing had ever happened.  But there was always a battle, raging within her.  Lily didn't sigh, or sniffle.  She inconspicuously lifted her gentle hand up to wipe away the torrents or tears streaking her cheeks.  Lily stared out the window, blocking out the voices around her, toning them down to a lull.

James coincidently happened to look up just at that moment.  He gazed out the window when something caught his eye.  There.  There he saw her.  The reflection of Lily, staring blankly out the window, crying her eyes out.  James frowned in concern, but kept quiet, deciding it might embarrass Lily if he said anything to her.  Something within James felt like it was being torn.  He had never felt that terrible aching pain before.  His brow furrowed deeper, and he looked away from the reflection, closing his eyes for a moment.  Concern welled up inside James.  What could possibly be making this girl cry so hard?  Could it be their presence in the room? He lay back in his seat, trying to shake the image out of his head.  

It wouldn't be long until they arrived at Hogwarts now.  Lily recognized the familiar landscape flitting past her window's view.  At least she'd gotten most of the train ride to herself.

****

Soon the train screeched to a halt outside Hogsmead Station.  Lily put Godric unwillingly into his basket and slipped out of the compartment unnoticed.  

            James finally finished preparing his things and turned to follow his friends out the door when he found Lily wasn't there.

            "Did you lot see where Lily went?"  James puckered his brow, puzzled.  

Questioning looks and shaking heads were the only answers he received.  He turned and followed the other three boys out of the train, still confused.

            James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter arrived to a brimming Great Hall, packed with chattering students.  They sat down at their usual spot, along the middle of the Gryffindor table, and awaited the sorting.

            James looked curiously around for Lily, not spotting her.  Certainly she must be here somewhere.  She was Head Girl; she couldn't just skip the feast.  At last James spotted her, sitting quiet as a mouse at the end of the table closest to the professors' table.  James gazed, fascinated with her face, subconsciously marveling at her beauty.  

            Remus punched James in the shoulder, awakening him from his trance.  "Are you ready for operation Slimy Slytherin to begin?"

            "You know it!"  James grinned maliciously and looked expectedly to Peter and Sirius.  There were ready.  James slowly counted to three and the four boys pointed their wands toward the Slytherin table, whispering an incantation.

            Dumbledore stood up to begin his speech.  Sirius mouthed backward from five and just as Dumbledore took a breath to begin talking a slimy, green ooze began to seep mysteriously out of every Slytherin's skin.  The Marauders laughed as they heard the groans and moans of udder disgust echoing throughout the entire Great Hall.  James looked, still hopefully, at the Slytherin table.  The ooze had vanished and a furry loin's mane had grown in its place.  The entire hall burst into laughter.  James' eyes again came to rest on Lily, a trace of a smile passed over her face before she began to stare at her plate once again.  James felt light-headed and extremely strange.  What was going on?

            The Marauders were now holding their stomach with laughter.  Dumbledore cleared his throat for attention and the Great Hall soon quieted down

.

            "Professor McGonagall, if you will."  Dumbledore looked expectantly to a tall, stern-looking witch with dark brown hair pulled pack into a tight bun, as she laid a three-legged stool in the middle of the room, and then placed a hat on it.

            James watched eagerly as the hat's rip opened wide and it belted out its new tune.  The hall clapped loudly when it finished.  Then the sorting began with Eloise Abbington being sorted into Ravenclaw.  James yawned rather bored, counting down until it was mealtime.

            At the end of the Sorting Ceremony Dumbledore stood.  "Ping-pong, dingbat, crochet, spork.  Tuck in!"  James shook his head and raised his golden goblet of pumpkin juice in cheers to Dumbledore.

            James stuffed himself with every kind of potato imaginable, also consuming several additional helpings of mutton, and steak and kidney pie.  He ruthlessly plowed his way through dessert. 

            Lily sat alone further on to the end of the table, with her eyes concentrating on her plate.  She forced herself to eat, just as she had done during the summer.  She brought her fork to her mouth, hesitating even now as the memories came flooding back.  At least during the summer she was able to come out of her bathroom for food when Petunia and Vernon weren't around.  But she told herself not to worry about him anymore.  At least for the moment.  She needed to eat, to at least make herself appear healthy, even if she wasn't.

As the plates were being cleared away Sirius let out a rather large, disgusting, to the rest of the Great Hall at least, belch.  Many of the other students surrounding the Marauders let out moans of utter repulsion, but James, Remus, and Peter were to busy peeling with laughter to notice.

Dumbledore again stood, and the Marauders straightened up long enough to listen to him make his "Forbidden List" speech with a cameo mention of them and their earlier antics.

            James immediately rose as Dumbledore shooed them off to bed.  He instinctively gathered the first years and followed Lily to Gryffindor Tower.

            "Tromedlov eid."  Lily looked around to all the other Gryffindors, making sure they heard the password. 

The Fat Lady looked around with mirth at all of the new faces as she smoothed out a few wrinkles in her ancient, pink dress.  

"It's good to see all of you again.  Hope you have a wonderful year!"  With her kind words of assurance the Fat Lady swung forward to admit the food-stuffed Gryffindors into their dormitories.

James crinkled his nose.  Peter would have a hard time remembering this one.

            In no time at all James was back in his familiar bed and quickly drifted off into a deep sleep.  Lily was not so lucky.

            Lily lay in bed, pondering about her miserable, lonely life.  Why did her sister have to be so cruel?  Why did Petunia have to go out with that awful slime ball of a boyfriend?  She felt tears yet again make the familiar sting behind her now dimmed sparkling eyes, and she didn't bother to hold them back.  Lily cried herself to sleep, wishing some day to have friends as good as James or one of the other Marauder's did.


	3. A little help in Charms

We own nothing! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 2: A little help in Charms  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A beam of bright sunlight filtered into the seventh year girl's dormitory. Lily burrowed under her thick blankets, and tried to block out the constant shriek of the magical alarm clock that was currently wailing, 'it's time to get up!'  
  
There was a groan, and a 'turn that bloody thing off' from across the room.  
  
Lily shut her eyes tightly pretending to be asleep, so the others would leave her to get ready on her own. She heard the bed sheets rustling and the creaks of beds as the girls in her dorm rose from their tousled, burgundy Gryffindor sheets.  
  
Lily remained silent and still, making sure not to put weight on her slowly recovering wrist. She heard Godric's loud purr coming closer to her head. He leapt over her back, and burrowed into the covers surrounding her. She felt his body move closer to her neck, and began to feel him snuggle and rub his head against her face. Lily tried to move her head out of his attack path, but he would have none.  
  
"Should we wake her?" a voice sounded from across the room.  
  
Lily pinched her eyes shut, keeping the loose fur out of her eyes, nose, and mouth.  
  
"No, she always likes to get up on her own," a groggy voice said, stifling a yawn.  
  
"Ok, more shower time for us then."  
  
Lily waited for them to leave the dormitory, before she lifted her arm, and snuggled Godric to her. He purred contentedly, and stared up at her with large blue eyes. Lily kissed his fluffy head, before looking tiredly at the clock on her bedside table. It was 6:30 in the morning.  
  
She was feeling particularly disgusting this morning. She sat up and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. Lily massaged her aching wrist, before patting Godric's head and standing up. She retrieved her bathrobe from the desk chair, and wrapped it around herself, holding it tightly to her body, afraid to loosen her grip on it in fear of someone seeing her.  
  
She hastily grabbed her wand just in case and went into began to walk toward the bathrooms.  
  
The halls were somewhat silent, the school having already gotten up, and were probably down in breakfast. She clutched her wand tightly as she padded down the hallway, very aware of her surroundings.  
  
When she finally reached the bathroom, she pushed the heavy door open, and walked slowly in. Her two roommates, Melissa Seekler and Kara Tobatski had their makeup bags propped on the ledge under the mirror, and they were both leaning in, applying mass amounts of shimmery lipgloss.  
  
Their head turned her direction as she entered the bathroom.  
  
"Oh hello, I see you're up," Melissa said sweetly. "We didn't want to wake you."  
  
"Thank you," Lily muttered quietly.  
  
"What?" Melissa asked kindly, obviously not able to hear her.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Melissa nodded, as she zipped up her make up bag, and took one last look into the mirror above the sink.  
  
Kara glanced over at Lily, her eyes roaming to her wand clutched tightly in her hand. So tightly in fact that her knuckles were turning white.  
  
"May I inquire why you brought your wand into the shower with you?" she asked, her eyebrows rose in confusion.  
  
Lily shrugged, and uncomfortably took off her bathrobe, and placed it on one of the vacant chairs in the room. She wore a long sleeve pajama shirt and long pants. "No reason." Lily replied quietly.  
  
Kara nodded, and nudged Melissa to leave the bathroom.  
  
"Well, we'll leave you to it then. See you at breakfast?" Kara asked kindly.  
  
"Um.."  
  
The two girls watched her fidget uncomfortably, before Melissa took it upon herself to move it along.  
  
"Right, well, we'll see you later then," and she and Kara slid past Lily and into the hall.  
  
Lily sighed with relief, and stepped into a stall. She was reluctant to take off her clothing, but she hastily pulled the shirt over her frail body. The bruise on her wrist was a dark purple, swollen, and sore. She sighed, and turned on the head to its usual temperature. It needed to be extra hot today, to sanitize her extra filthy skin.  
  
She let the hott water flow down her battered body. She felt the familiar tears spring to her eyes, caused by the memories the bathroom, and the shower provoked.  
  
A few minutes later, the door to the large bathroom opened.  
  
"Hello, Lily, I lost my eyeshadow, I just came back too.." But what she was going to say by the sound of choked back sobs. "Lily? Are you ok?"  
  
Lily held her breath, and crumpled against the cool wall of the shower.  
  
"Lily?"  
  
"I'm fine," she croaked.  
  
"Are you sure?" the voice of Kara asked concerned.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well ok, I'll just.." They fell into an awkward silence.  
  
Lily turned off the water, and waited for the sound of the door to shut again, so she could gather her clothes and dress into it.  
  
She shakily stepped into her uniform, buttoning her cloak up to her neck, and walked in front of the mirror.  
  
Her reflection was pale, and tired. Her usually sparkling emerald eyes were a dull green showing no happiness, all that was notice, was sadness, fear, and loss. Her vibrant red hair was wet and dripping limply against her face, and it was hard to seen, but her robes hung loosely, drooping over her shoulders.  
  
Her lips formed a meek, vulnerable look as she grabbed her wand and managed to charm her hair dry, and give her a somewhat fresher appearance, before making her way back to her dormitory.  
  
She grabbed her Charms book, her first class of the day, and made her way down to breakfast.  
  
The Great Hall was lively with chattering students, eating, and talking about their summer. Lily sadly realized that she would never be involved in this anymore. Surely no one would want her friendship. Face it, even if they did she could never truly talk to them. She knew that whomever she talked to long enough would eventually suspect something about-about, the abuse, about Vernon. She couldn't risk anyone finding out, she couldn't let anyone get hurt, hadn't Vernon warned her?  
  
She clutched her books tighter to her chest, and made her way toward her seat at the end of the table, near the teacher's table. She sat down, placing her books carefully next to her, and bent over her nearly full plate. She ate silently, lost in her rampaging thoughts.  
  
After a few minutes, there were shouts and screaming from the Slytherin table, just as the Gryffindor's erupted in laughter.  
  
Lily snapped her head around, and her eyes widened in amusement. Everyday it never failed the Marauders somehow got the Slytherins, and they seemed none the wiser. She smiled to herself, as she watched Severus Snape jump up from the table, like his butt was on fire. His hair was slowly turning Gryffindor red, gold, and yellow, and his robes began flashing 'Go Gryffindor Go! We Slytherins are much too low!'  
  
Lily's eyes wandered to the Marauders, and she was instantly sorry that she had. James Potter was looking directly at her. She snapped her head back down at her plate. Her cheeks grew red, as she shakily brought her piece of toast to her mouth. How embarrassing that she was caught!  
  
She hastily finished her toast, before gathering her things, and fleeing the Great Hall to go to class early.  
  
Further down the table James crunched lazily on his strip of bacon. He watched as Lily Evans practically flew out of the Great Hall. Was it something he had done? She seemed amused with the Slytherin's prank. She should be able to laugh, to joke around sometimes. His heart constricted painfully, she was dyer need of friendship. He could see it in her lost and lonely expression. Her fear of confrontations, yet her enjoyment at seeing other people's relationships around her. She deserved her own, and not to watch everyone else's. She deserved to be noticed. Probably more so than some of the girls that he'd met in his lifetime.  
  
A hand waved in his face, snapping him out of his contemplation.  
  
"Prongs? Where's your head lately? You barely laughed!" Sirius shouted at him in mock anger. "What's happening to you? Can you be saved!"  
  
Remus snorted into his milk. "Sirius you're a prick."  
  
"How am I a prick?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"I don't know, it just felt like the right moment to inform you of your unfortunate condition." he grinned.  
  
"Whatever Moony! So anyway, Prongs want to talk, you know man to man."  
  
"You mean man to ass?" Remus offered helpfully.  
  
"You're not helping Remmy, darling." Sirius said in a singsong voice.  
  
"Oh so sorry your highness."  
  
"And you better remember that!" Sirius said puffing his chest proudly.  
  
James chuckled.  
  
"He laughs! Hallelujah! He can be saved!"  
  
James shoved his shoulder. "Shut up Padfoot."  
  
"No really what's on your mind lately?" Sirius asked suddenly serious.  
  
"You know Lily Evans?"  
  
Sirius's eyebrows came together in confusion. "Quiet, kinda..quiet?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
"What about her?"  
  
"I was just wondering about her, I'm curious, like does she have friends? Why is she so quiet, those kind of things."  
  
Sirius looked at him oddly, before placing a hand on James's forehead. "Are you feeling all right? Where'd this new sprout of heart come from?"  
  
"Nowhere, I was just wondering. I feel bad for her, should I talk to her."  
  
Sirius looked at him oddly again. "You want to get Lily Evans to talk. You know James we've known her for 6 years, and I still have yet to hear her voice. Now Melissa on the other hand.." He sighed. "Now that girl can talk, and kiss."  
  
"You forget Padfoot, you talked to her on the train, AND, what does THAT have to do with anything?" James asked with a slightly disgusted look on his face. He honestly didn't need to hear one bit of Sirius' love life. It was too much information.  
  
"I don't know, what were we talking about?"  
  
James rolled his eyes, and gathered his books. "You done?"  
  
Sirius looked down at his mess of a plate. "I guess, it's not like I can find anything edible on this plate."  
  
Remus laughed, and hit Peter upside the head, knocking him out of his daydream.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Class, Sunshine!" Remus declared happily.  
  
"Right," Peter said also gathering his books.  
  
The four Marauders all followed the crowd out of the Great Hall.  
  
The Seventh year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs all filed into the Charms classroom.  
  
James was quick to notice with raised eyebrows that Lily sat way in the back alone, in the shadows. He was sad to realize that he'd never noticed before, never cared to make a note of where Lily Evans was during the day. He also noticed that whenever he saw her she was alone. He had a sudden urge to take her under his wing, to get her to open up to people, be apart of society, but this train of thought was interrupted by none other than Professor Flitwick.  
  
The Professor climbed clumsily on his stack of books that he used as his pedestal and regarded the class.  
  
"Good morning class."  
  
There was a general murmur throughout the class of greeting to the Professor.  
  
"Today, we'll be learning the 'Engorgo' charm. You position your wand over the thing that you want enlarged, like take his frog for example."  
  
A large green frog was placed on a tall stool next to him. He positioned his wand over the frog.  
  
"Now, you flick your wrist, like so," he demonstrated this, "and say the incantation, 'engorgo,' let's try."  
  
He went through the steps, and sure enough when he was done, the frog had swelled to the size of a house cat.  
  
James's eyes bulged; he didn't like that too much, giant frogs. Sirius might get some clever ideas. He shivered at the thought.  
  
"The object that you will need is placed in front of you, I'll be around to see everyone's progress." He slowly climbed down from his perch, and began to walk around the room.  
  
James looked down at his object; it was an ordinary shirt button. He looked over at Sirius, who was grinning ear to ear.  
  
"What are you smiling at?" James asked cautiously.  
  
"Nothing." Sirius said in his singsong voice. It was the one he used when you knew that he was up to something, and that something was always something against you.  
  
"Sir, what are you planning?" James growled.  
  
Sirius positioned his wand over his tee light candle, and turned his cat eyes on his best friend. "What ever makes you think I'm planning something?" he asked in his most innocent voice."  
  
"You're always planning something." Remus smiled, leaning in over Sirius's work.  
  
Sirius turned to glare at Remus. "For your information Moony, I am NOT ALWAYS planning something. It just so happens that I'm usually planning something."  
  
"Oh, so sorry, my mistake," Remus chuckled, and turned back to his gumball.  
  
James rolled his eyes at his friends before turning back to his button. He began to concentrate, and positioned his wand over the button. He opened his mouth, just as Sirius turned to James, and pointed his wand at him.  
  
"Bracium Imende!" Sirius shouted, just as James said "Engorgo."  
  
Sirius's charm seemed to have reached James first, as his wand arm fell limp to his side, as his button exploded.  
  
Students around the room gasped, some shrieked, and turned in their direction, eyes wide and wondering.  
  
"Mr. Potter! What was that wrist flick! It's a wonder you managed to blow up only the button and not your hand!"  
  
"Professor, it was.." James waved his hand in Sirius's direction, which was looking at him innocently, shaking his head. His eyes were wide, and he seemed to be trying to act that the explosion was as much a surprise for him, as it was for anyone.  
  
"Quiet, please Mr. Potter!" his little eyes scanned the room. "Miss Evans, will you please come down here, since you are finished, and help Potter here? Quickly, before he kills himself."  
  
Lily's eyes grew wide as she stared at Professor Flitwick. She nodded slowly, before standing up, and gathering her books.  
  
Every eye in the class was watching her as she made her way to the Marauder's table.  
  
James stood there in shock. Lily Evans! Lily Evans was going to help him! This was his chance! His big chance to become her friend!  
  
When she finally reached him, he got to look at her face closer up. Her large strikingly emerald eyes were tired, and somewhat frightened. He wanted to wipe the fright away from them. Her beautiful red hair fell in waves around her narrow shoulders, as she gingerly laid her books down on his table.  
  
"Is it ok if I leave my books here?" she asked not looking up from where she'd dropped her books.  
  
He wanted to get her to lift her head.  
  
"Oh, that's fine." James said reassuringly.  
  
"Lily Evans! We met on the train remember? Sirius Black?" he held out his hand, and shook hers.  
  
She blushed, and pulled her hand back quickly as he released hers.  
  
"Don't mind him," James muttered. "He's getting help."  
  
Lily raised her head, and smiled at him, it was weak, but still a smile.  
  
James mentally gave himself a pat on the back for getting her to flash her gorgeous-wait.James' brow creased lightly as he realized what he was thinking.  
  
"So what is it that you need help on?" Lily asked, looking at him with her large emerald eyes.  
  
"Oh, that, that, was a mis." Sirius started, before James jabbed him roughly in the ribs, and smiled winningly at Lily.  
  
"Actually, I can't get the wrist movement right," he lied.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes, and turned back to his project. "The older he gets, the weirder he gets."  
  
Remus and Peter chuckled.  
  
"Oh the wrist movement isn't that hard, all you do is.." She demonstrated it, and James faked being bad at it. She had to demonstrate several times before James appeared to be frustrated with himself. "No, it's okay. Here." Lily took his wrist in her hand and guided him through the motion slowly. James completed the wrist flick flawlessly this time.  
  
Lily smiled. "Great, now try it on the button."  
  
James did it wrong on purpose, and Lily smiled lightly.  
  
"It's ok if you don't get it right away." Her robe slipped down her arm, and she jerked slightly, pulling it roughly over her exposed wrist. She looked up at James nervously to see if he'd noticed anything, he hadn't, he was too busy going through the motions.  
  
Finally James successfully enlarged his button to roughly the size of a dinner plate. Lily smiled, and gathered her books again.  
  
"Good job."  
  
"Thanks.." James ran a hand through his unruly hair, thinking of someway to keep the conversation going. "Um.Can you tutor me.erm.in Charms?"  
  
Lily looked at him, her eyes wide, and disbelieving. She shifted the weight of her books on her other hip, as she fidgeted from foot to foot, biting her lower lip.  
  
"If you.if you want. that is." James added hastily.  
  
Lily breathed deeply, before giving her answer. "Can I think about it?" She still held her gaze to the ground.  
  
James nodded, almost too quickly. "Sure, take all the time you need."  
  
Lily nodded, just as the bell signaling the end of class rang.  
  
James turned to his friends then, to see them all staring open mouthed at James.  
  
"Prongs! Why in the HELL did you ask that? You don't need help, you have the second highest marks in our charms!"  
  
"Yes, but Lily has the highest." James reasoned.  
  
Sirius, Remus, and Peter all looked at him blankly.  
  
"Look don't worry about it guys!" James shouted. "It doesn't concern you anyway!"  
  
"Our best mate, partner in crime, going batty doesn't concern us?" Sirius asked baffled.  
  
"I want to befriend her."  
  
"Why?" Peter asked.  
  
"Because she needs one." James looked hopefully at his friends. Yeah. Lily needed a friend, all right. Besides, it always felt good to help someone, and get to know new people, and James being the kind person he is, found this reason enough for becoming Lily Evan's friend.  
  
"Why's it got to be you?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Because no one else will. She deserves friends, just like everyone else does, and she can't be silent for no reason. What ever is bothering her is probably eating away at her, and I think that she needs someone to confide in."  
  
"How are you going to get her to confide in you?" Remus asked curiously skeptical as the four made it out of the classroom.  
  
"Time, dear Moony, all in good time," James smiled at them. The headed toward Gryffindor Tower for break.  
  
"I still say you've gone batty." Sirius said shaking his head. "But since you're my best mate, I won't question you."  
  
"Thank you Si."  
  
"No problem, Fruit Cake."  
  
"I thought you weren't going to make fun of me."  
  
"Now I never said that, I said I wouldn't question you, I can still have fun with you though." Sirius smirked.  
  
"Oh lucky me," James muttered shaking his head, before they all disappeared into the portrait hole.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!! PRETTY PLEASE!! 


	4. Nightmares

Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING! So have mercy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The usual hustle and bustle during break at Hogwarts was taking place. The Marauders were haunting their usual corner of the grounds, joking and laughing, just like always.  
  
"Did you SEE Snivellus during Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Sirius dissolved into fits of rancorous laughter, while Peter and Remus chuckled hardily. "I thought he was going to piss himself, the old pillock. Especially when that Clawing Whizzerfly climbed all the way up his dirty knickers!" Sirius, Remus, and Peter hooted in fits of laughter.  
  
Meanwhile, James was craning his neck, searching the courtyard for a flaming patch of bright red hair. Where could Lily be? James needed to ask her about tutoring him in charms, nearly two weeks had passed and she had not said a word. Sirius swore she had been avoiding him because of his rag mop of a head. James finally spotted her, alone, leaning against a stone wall opposite him. He left the group without saying anything, and quickly made his way over to her.  
  
"Hi!" James sang joyously.  
  
Lily jumped at the sound of his voice, and started to edge away.  
  
"Lily, I've been meaning to ask you," James simply edged along with her. "Have you given anymore thought to tutoring me in charms? I could really use your help!" James flashed his winning smile at her.  
  
What did he think she was? Stupid? Lily snorted bitterly to herself. She wondered what he wanted. Well, it wouldn't hurt anything just to give it a try. Or would it? Lily shook off her paranoia, and decided to take a chance on James.  
  
"All right, James. If it's okay, I thought you could meet me in the library at 7:30 tonight, for your first lesson."  
  
"Sounds good to me. I'll meet you there!" James was practically floating on air. She said YES! She SAID yes! SHE said yes! He couldn't wipe the stupid grin from his face the entire day.  
  
At dinner James noticed Sirius staring at him, with a funny face.  
  
"Take a picture there, P-Slice. It'll last a whole lot longer." James frowned at Sirius.  
  
"What? Oh—sorry, mate. You've been really giddy today."  
  
Remus snorted with laughter. Sirius threw him an evil glance before continuing.  
  
"Yes, as I was saying, giddy. You've been a complete oaf, walking into things, smiling stupidly at everyone you meet.  It's just strange."  
  
"Yeah, he's right, James. Snivellus is going to think you have a crush on him if you keep waving at him in the hall." Peter sniggered at his clever joke. James rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing my fellow Messrs. of Mischief. After dinner I have my first tutoring session with Lily, that's all. I'm just going to meet her in the library at 7:30." James tucked in to his pasty, as if nothing was out of the ordinary.  
  
A totally devious smile spread over Sirius' face. James looked up just in time to catch it.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, nothing! It's just—just wittle Jamsie's got himself a date wif wittle Wiwykins! Awwwwwwe! How cute!" Sirius fluttered his eyelashes for affect and watched James turn beet red with brutal satisfaction.  
  
"Stuff it you git. You know that's not how it is. I-"  
  
"Awe! Wittle Jamsie's getting emberwessed! Wook! How cute!" Remus joined in.  
  
"Ohh! Major burn-do you need some aloe for that BURN?" Peter giggled delightedly.  
  
James fumed and checked his watch. He huffily grabbed his bag and rose from the table.  
  
"Where are you going, mate!" Sirius called after James. "We were only having a go at you! It's not big deal!"  
  
"Yeah, I know that. I'll be late if I don't leave now!" James hurried out of the Great Hall and up the staircase to the library.  
  
Sirius chewed thoughtfully on some trifle before checking his own watch.  
  
"What a git. What a complete git. It's only 6:30."  
  
Remus laughed. "Well, at least now he'll have time to primp for her. An hour's time, mind you."  
  
The three shook their heads incredulously and continued their meal.  
  
****  
  
James paced the library nervously. He had fluffed up his hair half a million times, and was just going on five hundred thousand, one, when Lily glided through the door.  
  
"HI!" James stopped pacing and spoke perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. Lily was taken aback and smiled.  
  
"Oh—hey, James. Have you been waiting long, it's." she checked her watch. "7:25."  
  
"Ohhh no! Not long—" an awkward silence followed.  
  
"Well—er," Lily blushed, as she finally spoke up. "Shall we get started then?"  
  
James shook his head excitedly.  
  
"Right, then. I thought we should start with Switching Spells. So open your book to chapter twelve, and we'll begin."  
  
"Okay, right. My—book." James looked around for a moment then hesitated. Where was his book? Grreeeeeat. He must have left it in his trunk.  
  
Lily was watching him expectedly.  
  
"Uh…I seem to—have…forgotten it." James rubbed the back of his neck nervously, feeling it burn beneath his touch. He must be blushing.  Wonderful!  That was even better.  But why? It was only Lily.  
  
"Oh! Well. That's okay." Lily smiled at him beautifully. "We can share."  
  
"All right, that sounds good. Thanks."  
  
"No problem."  
  
Lily and James worked on different charms for nearly an hour and a half, James seemingly making little progress. Lily encouraged him the whole time, but it only seemed to worsen James' attempts at the spell he was trying. Lily sighed dejectedly.  
  
"You did…okay. Just make sure you practice. We'll meet again, say…" Lily thought quickly. "Ohh…how about in a week?"  
  
James thought for a minute before surprising himself with an answer. "I don't know, Lily. I'm not doing that great. Maybe we should meet every three days or so. Just to see?" James looked at her hopefully.  
  
"Okay, whatever you want. Same time then?" She was still smiling at him, holding her wrist in her hand.  
  
"Yep. Thanks a load Lils." James hurriedly grabbed his bag a waited for Lily so they could leave the library together.  
  
"Lils?" Lily thought to herself. What was he trying to pull? Sure he was a nice guy and all, but surely he didn't want to be her friend. No--not even. Maybe he just wanted to pull a prank or something. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked a bit faster.  
  
"Lils! Wait up!" James nearly had to run to keep up.  
  
Lily stopped, but still did not look at him.  
  
"James," she said in a weak whisper. "I'm helping you out of my own accord, you know. And I don't want to be made a joke of."  
  
James had to crouch down to hear her, but when he did he gasped.  
  
"Lily! I promise I'm not trying to pull a joke on you! Why would you even think that?" James looked completely horrified, and Lily saw it in his face, so she didn't press any further.  
  
"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I don't know. Never mind." She turned her head to face forward again, and still did not look James directly in the face.  
  
"Lily," James said after a moment of silence. "I just want to get to know you, that's all. And you're a wonder at charms, I only thought I could use the help. Please don't think I'm joking around."  
  
James sounded sincere. Lily sighed and turned to him.  
  
"Okay, I don't. Thank you for walking me back to the common room. And I'll see you in transfiguration tomorrow.  Bye." Lily said all of this very quickly, and hastily scrambled in the portrait hole.  
  
By the time James had entered she was already on her way up the stairs.  
  
"Tomorrow, then, Lily." James said to himself, before he was pummeled with a pack of flying pillows sent levitating his way courtesy Peter, Remus, and Sirius. He laughed loudly and threw them back, scurrying over to join the fun.  
  
****  
  
Lily woke up with the covers twisted around her frail body, cold sweat wetting the back of her neck. It made her feel even dirtier then she already was. She shivered compulsively and tried to untangle herself from the masses of sheets.  
  
Lily thought since she had been back at school a fair amount of time the nightmares would stop. But it was nearing Quidditch season, and she was still having dreams about _Him_ almost nightly. Lily shook herself, as if to dislodge the awful images from the recesses of her mind. She rose creakily from the bed, cradling her aching wrist. Lily needed a hot bath, to cleanse her. She felt absolutely disgusting.  
  
Lily hurried out of the room and to the nearest loo. She cranked on the hot water and watched it pour heavily from the tap. Steam rose thickly into the air, shrouding the room in a hot cloud of mist. With one shaky hand Lily undid the buttons on her dressing gown, then pajamas, hiding herself against imaginary eyes. She slipped into the hot water, feeling satisfied as it seared her skin. She began scrubbing viciously and her skin reddened before her eyes. She knew it was for her own good. Maybe if she scrubbed enough she might one day be clean enough to deserve friends, friends like Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter, even. As she thought she leaked tears down her fair cheeks. Soon the random drip-drops became torrents of tears falling down Lily's face like a quiet spring storm. It was like one when there is no sound, before or after the storm, and the rain falls steadily, beading down windowpanes.  
  
Her eyes held the pain she had been suffering with for months. One look into those great green chasms would mean heartbreak for anyone who laid eyes on them. Subtle wrinkles on Lily's smooth, shining complexion began to make themselves more prominent, betraying her quiet, but happy façade on life. Lily sobbed into her hands, letting go, losing control, if only for that one moment, before mentally jerking herself back to her senses. She had scrubbed until the bathwater turned cold. It was the best she would be able to do, tonight anyway.  
  
Lily hurriedly stepped out of the swimming pool-sized bath and wrapped a towel around her tender skin, again quickly veiling herself from unseen eyes. She hastily finished toweling off and slid back into her pajamas, and robe.  
  
There was no use trying to get more sleep tonight. Lily crept into the common room and picked a large, over-stuffed, high back chair to curl up in, right in front of the fire. Before settling in she took a blanket from the back of a nearby couch, and wrapped herself in it. Lily stared at the fire for some minutes, watching it crackle and burn. Before she knew it she had drifted off into an uneasy sleep.  
  
****  
  
"Honestly Sirius! Would you STUFF IT? You're going to give us away!" James hissed angrily in Sirius' ear as the Marauders crept slyly down one of the many corridors of Hogwarts. The invisibility cloak barely covered them all. It was a real stretch, all the boys towering at least six feet even.  
  
Being the Head Boy of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry obviously didn't phase any pranks going through James Potter's head. Truth be told, it probably made him more apt to scheme. He looked down the hall to find what he would've rather not.  James' eyes widened in horror.  
  
"Oh shit! Get out of the way!" Sirius had finally stopped joking around long enough to realize there was a figure approaching them in the corridor. The four Marauders swiftly slid to the right side of the hallway, swishing the cloak out of the path of a tall, sweeping form, gliding down the passageway. They held their breath, miraculously escaping.  
  
"Sirius, it's a good thing you finally shut up, otherwise Professor Aquina would have had us for sure!" Sirius gave a quite "yelp" when Remus flicked his ear as an ending to his statement.  
  
"Do you have any idea what she would have done to us if she caught us! I can't be blamed for losing anymore Gryffindor points! Even first years are threatening me!" Peter whimpered meekly, crouched under the cloak.  
  
James cautiously reached over and ruffled Peter's sandy, already-thinning hair. "Wormtail, Wormtail, Wormtail. What ever are we going to do with you?" James sighed, light-heartedly, punching Peter in the arm. Peter winced and began to rub his arm, although he did smile weakly before turning to head back down the corridor.  
  
"Well, at least we pulled off Operation Baby Skrewt. I can't wait for Snivellus to wake up and find his new wittle pet!" Sirius pouted his lip and pretended to find the physique of skrewts particularly adorable. James shivered.  
  
"How did you get the password for Slytherin anyway, James?" Peter looked around, amazed.  
  
"Peter, you pillock. I'm Head Boy. I know all the passwords." The boys chuckled heartily at Peter's nearsightedness. Peter grumbled and rolled his eyes before beginning to chortle with the rest.  
  
At long last James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, reached the Fat Lady.  
  
"Eid tromedlov." Sirius stuck his head out of the cloak, revealing the password just as the Fat Lady jerked awake.  
  
".You.you may..you may enter the house of teething monkeys." With a last snore the Fat Lady swung forward, admitting the four troublemakers back to safety.  
  
By the time they had made their way into the common room, the Marauders were nearly rolling on the floor with laughter.  
  
"Teeth-teething.teething MONKEYS?" Remus wiped a tear off his cheek as he struggled to choke the words out. The other three roared with laughter.  
  
The adrenaline finally wearing off, the four seventeen-year-olds, realized just how loud they had been laughing, and also just how tired they were becoming.  
  
James quieted down and headed straight for his favorite chair. He placed his hands on its high back, preparing to vault himself over the top when he felt something silky soft beneath his fingertips. He jumped, scared at first. James curiously peered over the chair to see who had taken his spot. And there, there he saw Lily, curled up in a blanket, seemingly peacefully alseep. By that time Remus, Sirius, and Peter had crowed around him to see what was going on. James put a finger to his lips, silencing them.  
  
They were turning to creep up the boys' staircase when they heard a muffled moan coming from behind them. As one, the Marauders crept back over to Lily's sleeping form to find her tossing and turning in the chair, with a frightened look on her face. James could see the cold perspiration forming on Lily's forehead. She whimpered softly. He felt his heart contract with sympathy. What could be troubling her so much she was having such terrible nightmares?  
  
James motioned the rest of the group to follow him to the corner opposite Lily. He looked at them sadly. "Do you guys think we should wake her?"  
  
There were small murmurs coming from the remainder of the Marauders.  
  
"I don't know, Jamsie. What if when we do, she gets upset or embarrassed?" Sirius looked to Remus and Peter for their opinions.  
  
"Sirius is right P-Man. What if she never talks to you, or any of us again?" Peter nodded fervently at Remus' statement.  
  
James looked torn between waking Lily from the obvious torture, and the obvious torture he would feel if she never spoke to him again.  
  
"Why don't you all go on up to bed? I just want to make sure she doesn't fall out of that chair, and she very well could, tossing and turning like that."  
  
There was mumbling of consensus from the group and they turned to head up the stairs.  
  
"James!" Sirius called from the foot of the steps in a loud whisper. "Are you sure you don't need any help?"  
  
"I'm fine, Padfoot! I'll be up in a bit!"  
  
As soon as Peter's fluffy bunny slippers disappeared around the spiral staircase James tiptoed over to Lily, watching her twist in her sleep.  
  
"Lily," he whispered as he wrapped the blanket tighter around her. "What's wrong?"  James' brow creased in worry. He bent down to scoop Lily into his arms, cradling her like a small child.  
  
James was surprised at how easily she fit in his arms, and just how light she felt. He sat down on an old couch near by, laying down Lily's still body, her head in his lap. Even when troubled her face was beautiful and radiant. James stroked back the curls from her face, wiping her damp skin with his sleeve. It wasn't until then that he noticed her tears mingling with the sweat on her cheeks. She had been crying? In her sleep? It was worse than he had imagined.  
  
"Oh, Lily.what is wrong!" James spoke quietly, more to himself than Lily. He was struggling terribly with himself to wake her up.  
  
"Noooo.." Lily's eyelids fluttered as she called out in her sleep. "Please! Don't! Stop, Vernon! Please—"  
  
It was the last straw for James. He couldn't bear seeing her cry, but to hear her call out had been too much.  
  
He gently began to shake her awake. "Lily, Lily wake up." James spoke softly, imploring Lily to rise. He smiled in relief when her eyelids snapped open. "Lily, are you okay? You were having a nightmare, a pretty bad one by the sound of it. Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
Lily's eyes widened to the size of silver dollars. Oh no. Feelings of dread washed over her in great waves of panic. She felt like the bottom of her stomach had dropped out. "Um—James—uh...I—It was no—nothing," she stammered.  "I—I have to go."  
  
Lily had started to rise when James asked her the question she had been most fearing.  
  
"Wait! Lily! Who's Vernon!"  James' face was shaped with true concern, but Lily looked to the ground, avoiding his eyes. Her breath was catching in her throat. She had to leave before he found out any more. If he knew the whole story he wouldn't want to be her friend.  James wasn't friends with dirty girls.  She had to get out.  
  
"James, it's nothing! I—I have to go to bed. Get…get an early start tomorrow!" And in the blink of an eye Lily was gone.  
  
James sat alone on the couch still staring bewildered at the spot on his lap where Lily's head had been. What had caused her magnetizing eyes to widen in fright like that? James was sure he'd never seen her more scared. What ever it was it had certainly not been "nothing," as she had said.  
  
James stood slowly, taking off his glasses, attempting to rub the sleep from his tired, hazel eyes. He was going to make sure he figured out Lily Evans, good or bad, but this incident only determined his reslove more than ever. He turned and walked gradually up the steps to his four-poster bed. He had trouble falling asleep, worried thoughts of Lily filled his mind until he finally drifted off.  
  
  



End file.
